Dropping Truth on your Dome!!

Remember the Last Booty Call on Earth?

"Even when he cannot remember his name
or even his own address,
my number clings to his mind –
distant but clear"

Yeah. That one. I've been getting a few questions on why and how that poem came to existence and thought it best to address it in the public webisphere:-) I was able to explain the poem's origin and much more to a friend a few months back and thought I might re-post my response here.

You can read the full poem after the jump.

enjoy!
sb

ps...I'm oh-so stoked that people are reading the blog and that it's making them think. ::Blessed::

The simple fact is that most women, myself included, have self esteem issues. Sometimes these are relatively small and interfere, only minimally, with our daily lives. But sometimes, our skewed sense of self is debilitating and makes us do things that our wiser selves would blush at...We go back to the men that hurt us because laying in the arms of even the wrong guy can feel like "love." We crave that false sense of uniqueness that even the wrong male attention brings...to remind us that we are not just another body roaming the planet. That, even if only for an hour or a day, we are somebody...desired and desirable.

And I say "we" because it has been me and at times still is. It's funny how, even with this sort of emotional clarity, I still fall for it. It's almost like I'm carrying my raw heart in my hands, waiting for someone to help me carry it the rest of the way...and before finding out if the guy is trustworthy or even simply worthy, I hand over my heart...all of my love...and pray that he will handle it with care. Most often, he does not. Whether it is because he cannot or chooses not to, I can never know for sure.

So there it is. It pretty much boils down to low self esteem and insecurity. On the bright side, I'm learning that the more I start believing that I deserve better, the less tolerant I become of anything less. Hence "the last booty call on earth" post. I'm also learning that I am lovely and lovable...internalizing that shit and making it my mantra...reminding myself that I was created for nothing less than true love, by a God that is so much more. -susanbaba