On Marrying the Man of Every Woman’s Dreams

So, here it is - my first cheating-man poem.

Comments please!!

On Marrying the Man of Every Woman’s Dreams
BY Susan Baba

At first, you will think that you are important too.
Out of the many, he has chosen only you.
He will praise your beauty,
your soft hands,
your mermaid eyes.
He will call you the moon and stars
and you will believe him.
He will make you feel confident and poised
as he lightly holds your elbow,
to steer you through the crowds.
You will sit on park benches, restaurant booths, church pews
side by side.
You will both point to young and silly things
walking by, all short skirts and flirtatious longing
who think they have only their bodies to offer the world
But he -
he will praise your mind
your heart
your ability to always dress appropriately for the occasion
and he will seem to look inside of you and love you all the more.

Soon you will see that he is more important.
As your star peaks and begins its descent,
his will still be rocketing onward.
You will still be by his side.
He will still lead you by elbow through the crowd
of his adoring business associates and political allies
but he will not offer to get you a drink
or introduce you to his friends.
He will not even look at you

He will begin to work later now,
joke about the life of a “big man,”
promise to make up for missed engagements,
forgotten anniversaries.
But he will not.

You will try to ignore your senses,
but you will begin to feel small.
He will spend weekends away now.
He will know his children’s voices
from many phone conversations
But will always look on with astonishment
at how quickly they have grown.

You will wonder about his request that you never call him first,
about his sudden out of town trips
that seem to become more frequent,
but, you will not complain.
He will placate you with the reassurance that this is all done for your good.
It is what he must do to keep you wearing couture and driving luxury cars

Your eyes will scan the tennis bracelet on your wrist,
the vast expanse of home the two of you built together.
You will never tell him that you would give it all up
for the way things were.
You will want to,
but you will
not
say
a thing.

Think Only Nigerian Men Cheat?

I've been thinking a lot about cheating lately. Not considering cheating, but contemplating the "why" of it. Why do people cheat? Specifically, why does the person cheated on make the decision to stay?

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie tried to address this question in "Imitation," one of many stories in her beautiful collection of short stories The Thing Around Your Neck. "Imitation" follows a middle aged Nigerian woman named Nkem who learns that her husband has a girlfriend in Nigeria. She lives in the US, for the children’s sake, while her husband is a prominent businessman abroad. Nkem grew up with nothing, so she was at first honored to now be able to afford a new life for her children. But, when she hears about her husband's apparent infidelity, she contemplates her next move and has to decide whether she will stay in the US, and live a comfortable but lonely life, or return to Nigeria and fight for what is hers.

Sadly, the story’s plot was not unfamiliar to me. In my small Cincinnati Nigerian community, it was common place to hear about this man or that man running the town with some other woman. No one batted an eye or seemed to act surprised when the "man" turned out to be their own husband. No one ever spoke of confronting him or keying the heck out of his car or, better yet, filing for divorce. The women would always just shake their head and say, "Thought he was different, but it seems that all Nigerian men are the same."

It took me a while to realize that extramarital affairs are not exclusive to Nigerian men. Politicians, celebs, and everyday people are ignoring their wedding vows on the regular. The most surprising thing, though, is that despite decades of women’s empowerment, the women usually take back their cheating spouses. I would like to think that I would go all Elizabeth Edwards on my man and blow his whole spot up or embrace my inner Candi Stanton and proclaim "I don't mind if he's getting some loving from you, as long as he takes care of home," but I would likely be more like Freida Khalo. I imagine that I would retreat within myself and mourn quietly. Finding out that my husband had been unfaithful would probably crush everything that I am.

Anyway, the topic of women who stay is a very fascinating one to me, so I decided to write a poem about it. "On Marrying the Man of Every Woman’s Dreams" is about a woman who has found neither the courage to confront nor the strength to leave.

Let me know what you think.